Vol. 26, No.3                                                      October 31, 2005

PANICKED PICKETERS?

Based on reports that we have received from around the University, it seems that the "informational picketing" will be remembered as the Dear Leader's "frenzied flop." Our sources tell The Patriot Returns that:

• At the Graduate Center, opposition to the PSC's Krazy Kontract Kaper is so intense that the campus PSC leadership didn't even bother to picket---fearing, we suppose, that warning about an impending strike would only increase support for the CUNY Law-Abiding Professors
• At Lehman, the full-time faculty seemed to have found better things to do---like teach their classes---leaving a few embittered CLT's to wail about unfair treatment to the PSC's Psychiatrist-in-Chief, Anne Friedman.
• At Brooklyn, we hear that local PSC head "Fibbin' Tibbi" Duboys reported that she had 30 picketers throughout the event, even though a campus newspaper photograph showed only 9.
• At Hunter, as The Patriot Returns' last number predicted, picketers from outside the college branch had to be brought in to produce a "respectable" showing.

At Queensboro, the panicked picketers doubled up with a campus "Poetry Slam" to get a crowd. But there's some good news for PSC headquarters on 43rd street---our sources report that the PSC's entry into the "Poetry Slam" won a special honorable mention prize, for most ridiculous submission. We even managed to obtain a copy of the prize-winning stanza:

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Who's the fairest of them all?
Battlin' Barb, whose jail cell calls!

THE RUMOR COLUMN

STRIKE, OUT?
OR
SELL OUT?

In the wake of this less-than-wildly successful dry run for a "job action," rumors are running through the halls of West 43rd Street that a contract settlement is in the offing. Save for the (very) lunatic fringe of the Executive Committee, and Barbara's consigliere "Tough Tony" O'Brien, those in power in the union realize that support for strike is close to non-existent. And since their self-appointed deadline of November 3rd is fast approaching, decisions have to be made. While all details of what Barbara will announce as a "great victory" are not clear, our sources close to the PSC's center have provided us with the following outline:

1. Salary: a 6.5 to 7.5% increase over three years
2. Welfare Fund: a 2 to 2.5% increase in the size of the university's contributions
3. Department Chairs: to be excluded from the bargaining unit
4. Annual Leave Period: All faculty to be available for duty after August 15th

If any, or all, of these look familiar, they should. They have been the CUNY administration's bargaining position for almost one year! Why weren't they accepted before? Do you also recall the argument Barbara made in the October 6 th New York Metro? She said, "If salaries kept up with inflation, the top salary for a full professor would be $147,000, not $93,501, and an assistant professor's starting salary would be $78,000, not $48,000." After all that huffing and puffing, it appears that Barbara has been bluffing! What she is getting for its members is nothing but peanuts, and more peanuts.

How, you might ask, could the PSC's leadership accept these terms? How could they sell the rank-and-file out? From what we've learned, it seems that the "special arrangements" enjoyed by Barbara and her cronies won't be affected:

• They will still be paid at the top of the full professor salary (even though they are not full professors);
• They will be released from all responsibilities for teaching, service and research;
• They will continue to enjoy such amenities as American Express cards (don't go on strike without one!) and a chauffeur service (supporting the TWU is one thing; riding the subways another).

As before, the Dear Leader and friends will be enjoying the good life while the rest of us will be toiling in the groves of academe.

We hope that The Patriot's readers will keep the above in mind when told that night is day. But look on the bright side: at least you'll have a bit more money to spend during a much shorter summer vacation! Kool aid, anyone?

TRICK OR TREAT FROM
THE PATRIOT!

OUR "DEAR LEADER"
BARBARA BOO-EN

OUR "DEAR LEADER"
BARBARA BOO-EN

Sharad Karkhanis, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus

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